RICK TOONE

Following yesterday's tragic shootings at Virginia Tech, the New York Times is calling for:

"...stronger controls over the lethal weapons that cause such wasteful carnage and such unbearable loss."

Obviously.

Clever application of deductive reasoning leads me to think we must also regulate or make illegal the following items — all of which are potential murder weapons:

a. Knives, scissors, and other edged weapons
b. Baseball bats, hockey sticks, and other sporting equipment

c. Hammers, crowbars, chainsaws, shovels, and other construction tools

d. Bleach, ammonia, and other household or agricultural chemicals

e. Vehicles, including lawn mowers, tractors, and automobiles

f. Stones, tree branches, and other hard objects found in nature

g. Hands, feet, and other body parts

h. Hmmm...

I'm starting to feel silly. Let me rethink this.

Here's the truth.

If you have enough willpower — enough intelligence — and are armed with a $6 utility "box cutter" knife you can:

1. Destroy three commercial airliners and all passengers aboard
2. Remove the World Trade Center, killing most occupants

3. Demolish a large portion of the Pentagon

4. Start wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, ruining the lives of millions

5. Deteriorate the credibility of the United States government to such an extent that it causes enmity between former allies...despite their sympathy over such an unprovoked attack

Nah. Let's keep our guns.

I can think of two good reasons why:

1. "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed" [Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution] — This ensures that American citizens have the ability to defend ourselves, EVEN against our own government, if necessary.
2. In the event of a collapse of civilization (read: "catastrophic climate/financial change") — Individuals would have the ability to defend ourselves...and just as importantly, to hunt for food without having to relearn Stone Age technology.

In the photo below Virgina Tech killer Cho Seung-hui threatens with a carpenter's claw hammer.